Winchesters! (A Supernatural parody of Popular from Wicked)
by TARDIStime
Summary: Gabriel takes it upon herself to teach Castiel how to act like a Winchester. Castiel is right to be worried. Fem!Gabriel, fem!Cas. Mentions of Destiel and Sabriel. Crack-ish
**(A/N) Yo, yo, yo. I'm back another parody, and some news: I'm almost done with the new chapter for Shine on You Crazy Diamond, so for those of you patient darlings who are losing your minds, your wait is almost over. Yay!**

 **Anywho, this parody is based off of "Popular" from the musical Wicked. Can you guys tell that I really like musicals? XD**

 **You guys know the drill, call out errors.**

 **Enjoy!**

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[GABRIEL]

Cassie - now that we've stopped trying to kill each other, I've decided to

make you my new project.

[CASTIEL]

* _sweats_ * You _really_ don't have to do that.

[GABRIEL]

I know. That's what makes me so nice!

[CASTIEL]

Uh-oh.

[GABRIEL]

Whenever I see someone

Who's not as fun as I

(And let's face it - who isn't

Not as fun as I?)

My tender heart

Tends to start to bleed

And when I see my- uh- sister's

Having trouble with her mister

I know, _I know_ exactly what you need

And even with your grace

It's still the toughest case I've yet to face

But don't worry - I'm determined to succeed

Follow my lead

And

Yes, indeed...

We'll.

Be.

Like.

Winchesters!

We'll be like the Win-ches-ters!

I'll teach you the proper ploys to hunt with the boys

Little ways to exorcise, ooh!

I'll show you what plaid to wear

Just like Sammy there

Everything that really counts

To be Winchesters!

You'll be like a Win-ches-ter!

You'll hang with the friendly saps

You'll paint devil's traps

Know the slang you've got to know

So let's start

'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go:

Don't be offended by my frank analysis

Think of it as personality dialysis

Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a

Sister and adviser

There's nobody wiser

Not when it comes to Winchesters -

I know about Winchesters! * _eyebrow waggle_ *

And with an assist from me

To be who you'll be

Instead of a baby who you were—well, are!

They can't stop you, sugar

being like a Winchester!

* _awkward pause_ *

... Er... * _shrugs_ *

La la, la la

You're gonna be a

Win-ches-ter!

When I see depressing creatures

With wings, grace, and other features

I remind them on their own behalf

To think of

Celebrated hunters, and the

'Specially Bobby Singer!

Did they have brains or knowledge?

Don't make me laugh!

They had the Winchesters! Puh-lease!

They hang with the Winchesters!

It's not about aptitude

If you're really screwed

It's just very shrewd to be

Friendly with a Winchester

Like me! * _smirks_ *

[CASTIEL]

Uh, sister... I'm unsure of what you're trying achieve...

[GABRIEL]

Cassie... * _pats Castiel's shoulder_ * Shut up. Okay, stand... I will now turn your trench coat into a Winchester-worthy flannel shirt!

[CASTIEL]

Why?

[GABRIEL]

Shut your cakehole... Stand up... * _snaps fingers_ * Flannel. (Nothing Happens)

* _snaps fingers again_ * Flannel! (Still Nothing Happens). C'mon grace, work with me here!

[CASTIEL]

Do... Do you want me to try?

[GABRIEL]

Nah, just wear the trench coat... it's... foxy! * _sexy purr_ * Now, for the finishing touch. * _brings angel blade from seemingly out of nowhere_ *

[CASTIEL]

Where were you hiding tha- Nevermind. I don't want to know...

[GABRIEL]

Now, don't cut yourself, Cassie. * _hands Castiel the angel blade and appraises her_ *

Well, Cassie, we'll make a hunter of you yet! Now I just need to to teach you how to patch yourself up the human way... I'll have to shoot you for this...

[CASTIEL]

* _laughs nervously_ * Whoops, I think I hear Dean praying! I have to go! * _exits_ *

[GABRIEL]

No, no, no, come back! * _scoffs_ * Unbelievable. * _calls after Castiel_ * You're welcome! ...Brat.

And though you protest

That I don't know best

I know clandestinely

You're gonna grin and bear it

Your new-found hunter clarity

La la la la

You'll be a Winchester-

Just not quite as "Winchester"

As me!

* * *

 **(A/N) What do you guys think? Funny? Nah? Hope you guys liked it, I have a lot of fun writing this one. For some reason, Fem!Gabriel, and awkward Fem!Castiel are really fun to write. Tell me what you guys think! Also, I'm more than happy to taken suggestions for new parodies.**


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